| Forums > General > "Family Problems" (54 replies)
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I am facing a lot of problems communicating with my father lately. We never get along well. I'm 13 and now that we don't talk much anymore he thinks that I have 'grown up into a stupid teenager and would not care for anything else' anymore.
We had another row yesterday night, someone please help out?
How do you get along with your family?
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How do both of you get into arguments? What caused the argument to happen?
Prevent the cause. Try to speak amicably and always look at your father a happy face rather than a glum face. Try not to pick up fights just because you think you are right and your father has offended you. Just contain your anger and keep thinking that you don't want any kind of family problems.
Remember, parents are still parents, they still have their pride, so you don't expect them to compromise with you and apologize to you so easily especially during an argument.
If your father is the one who initiates the argument, don't argue with him. Just apologize and say that you don't want to argue. When you know it's party your fault, acknowledge your fault and just say sorry.
Between parents and their children, there's no such thing like who wins and who loses in an argument, so an apology wouldn't take a piece of flesh off you. Just apologize and that would make your father feel better, and who knows? - He might realize his mistake and apologize to you some day too.
For whatever your dad says about you, try to prove him wrong through practical actions. You can try to do housework. If your parents needs help, try to render your aid to them. And be willing when your parents call you to help them do something. And take your initiative to do things too - give your dad a glass of water after he comes back from work etc.
It's all about compromising and sacrifice. So just be willing to lose and not always win. Okay!
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It's not that easy, I'm too bold I guess, haha.
But thanks. 
-Hugs Jeremy-
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Hahaha of course it's not that easy, I also have problems trying to control.
It's like wtfff you come back from work and keep shouting at me like what just cuz you too stress huh huh i am not your chu qi tong or what okay hmph then I feel like shouting at my mum how I feel. But I know that wouldn't result in any good thing, so why not just shut up and perhaps rant it all here?
So like I said, you need to sacrifice, sacrifice your boldness, and compromise your character, to bond with your parents.
When you feel like arguing, just think of all the reasons why you shouldn't argue - like for my case, my mum might be feeling stressed and she has a very unstable emotion, so that gives me reason not to fight with her. And my father doesn't want me to fight with my mother, that is also another reason.
So many reasons here vs your own selfish reason.
You should be convinced about how you shouldn't fight by then.
The best way is to keep quiet unless your father demands an audible answer. Keeping quiet is the best. LOL I've been doing that and after a while, she doesn't get anymore angry and we're back to normal.
Edited 1 month ago. |
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My sis claims she's having the same problem like you, Helena. :O But I honestly don't think she is. Anyway, my method is just keep cool, don't be rude in any way, or like, keep the happy-go-lucky-cheerful mood? o-o Oh crap I'll never be a consoler.
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Oh well.
Make a sorry card with a sunflower and cook him breakfast?
That helps for me.
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my sister, 16 years old, have problems with my father too.
she talks on the phone with her boyfriend all the time.
and my dad scold her cos of the phone bill.
scold her once, she never talk to him for a few weeks.
then she say sorry because of her boyfriend computer.
cos my dad fix computer, then her boyfriend computer have prob.
then she say sorry because of that.
then, she still talk on the phone, and then dad scold her second time earlier this year.
then they never talk to each other at all. now still same.
then i'm like the messenger for my dad&sis.
last week, my mum was searching places to go in the internet for holidays,
then my dad say no space for so many people, my maid, dadmum, me and 2 sis.
then my dad say, bring me, mum and younger sister go.
don't bring older sis & maid. then my mum say forget it, don't go anywhere.
that time i really feeel like crying. because of my sister, everything change.
shes like so stubborn. shes in the wrong, she say my dad anyhow scold her.
she don't want to say sorry at all.
i really wish everyone here should just say sorry to your parents,
don't make things big, whoever is in the wrong, your parents or you,
just say sorry.
even though i hate my sister very much.
i really feel like crying because of this problem.
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I don't get along with any of my family members at all, either. It was tolerable last time, but it's like now we can't even relate anymore. I go to my cousin's house to stay the night most of the time 'cause home just isn't home anymore. (She's 19 and she has her own house - her parents travel frequently 'cause her dad's a businessman. So no adults, no awkwardness  ) You should try it, it helps. Lol for me, to avoid quarrels with my family, just avoid them as much as possible and keep minimal contact. I know it's not the right solution and it can't go on forever, but it works for now :S
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you'll most probably get over it, teens are rebellious, y'know.
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Rather, and that's a good idea ammunition/, some times I feel home isn't home too. Well I'll see what happens, my dad's still on the silent treatment.
Thanks, you guys
Edited 1 month ago. |
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i have cold war with my dad very often -.-"
i just ignore him and don't talk to him.
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if you are in a religion, pray for a better bond between you and your parents.
At times when we quarrel with our parents, it's because they don't understand us. Well, parents are not God, they don't understand you just by looking at you. YOU have to tell them. Talking to them might help and share your daily life with them. Then, they will feel that at least, they have a status in your heart. Chat with your father more. You know, sometimes if we put ourself in our parent's shoe, things might be easier. Do not complain that our parents do not put themself in our shoe. Have you thought that, if not for our parents, we wouldn't be here today?..
Chat with your father, do small acts like pouring him a cup of water, saying good night or even asking if he had eaten already or not. DO NOT feel demoralised if he didn't show any appreciation. Also, don't start a fight with him. You know, "One ear in, One ear out." It will make you happier, rather than feeling angry by what he had said.
Well, i hope that with these comments that the rest had given, your problem will be solved asap. Learn to look at things with different points of view. It helps.
Cheers
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Thank you, love, but I've tried hard, let's just keep it low and wait till he strikes, haha.
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EH , for me it's quite easy.
I just kiss up to him like.
' Sorry Daddddddddddddy (: *Sweet Voice* ,
Forgive me lah , i young duno anything.
We go coca^ and eat , use my money okay? '
^ - Restaurant in Takashimaya(sg) .
And everything is settled
& My money is his money anyways.
and if we make up , i'll get back the $
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i always argue with my dad.
whatever,i just feel that he scolds me and raises his voice for nothing.
so i just ignore my dad and don't speak to him.
T_T
(notice,it's never the problem with the mom.)
Edited 1 month ago. |
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Yeah, he makes me kiss him every night before we sleep
'Good kisser,' he tells me.
LOL.
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I often get into rows with my mother too, mostly about her not respecting my privacy blabla etc.
I hardly do ever take the first step to apologise to her, usually is she pretends to forget everything then I also pretend to forget everything and all is well.
But when she doesn't "pretend" I also find it rather hard to go up and apologise to her, esp when I don't think its my fault.
Butttttttt, I do feel upset that we are fighting and the silent treatment and all makes me feel left out and sad 
I suggest you write a letter to your dad, to let him know you think that you were right/ he was wrong/ you were wrong/ he was right.
And write everything there, so that he would understand ;D
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i dont have family problems
but problems with my teachers -________________-
but sometimes, when i yell at my mum
i'd just hug her the next morning. :]
and she'll smile!
Edited 1 month ago. |
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Same here. I just find my parents a bit non-understanding sometimes.
like when I have cca, my father accuse me of going out to play -,-
Treating me like some playful teenager or some defiant tenager.
He finds fault with everything I do. I read Eclipse very fast, he also scold me.
Say reading fast no use cos it doesn't goes into the brain, then say resulting in my crap results and all :/ Sometimes I don't get him, like, he totally makes no sense and why can't he understand me or something. Sometimes I get really pissed off and shouted back, but I was sorry after that. Actually right. Patience and forgiving works. That's what I think
Be patient with them, parents' generation are different LOL. and forgiving them. -shrug-
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Omg hell yeah, I read rather fast too, and he complains about me reading too fast and wasting money on new books. Ah whatever.
Well personally I think my results are fine, I rank number 5 in class and I am proud of it, and I have been number 1 once in primary school (But no, I am not boasting, I admit I was once a 问题学生), my parents just shrug. 'This is what you are borned for, you should be getting these results.' Yadeeyada, hurts me real bad.
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Hell yeah, I read superrrrr fast too haha.
My mom scolds me for wasting money on books cos I read too fast ;(
Rank five omgomgomgomg!
So pro, I usually 12, 13 there
When I was in pri sch, my mom usually jumps when I get horrid results, but now she just shrug and sign the report card LOL.
Guess she's given up on me already.
Oh well.
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Yeah, they just look at me and go 'Oh.'
And then I'd go O__________O in my head.
I feel so hurt
Anyway, don't feel bad about your results, 12 and 13 are really good, I remember when I was younger I was always around 50 or 51.
RESULTS DO NOT MATTER I TELL YOU!
Edited 1 month ago. |
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Lol. my results sucks hell. hahah. bottom top 20 de leh OO:
high five sunshinedipped♥ . they sort of give up on me too.
cheer up /!nsomnia®. I think they will somehow learn to appreciate
Parents sometimes takes most things for granted, or should I say all. :/
Edited 1 month ago. |
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Yeah, like when you accommodate them sometimes, they'll keep asking "why can't you be like this all the time?" and stuff. LOL. So i just AP them all the time now -_-
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some people in the second best class cut into my class T_T
so my class ranking was 6 for prelims and 13 for the level ranking 
and because of that my dad scolded me,i don't know why the heck.
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No matter what happen , family is a family.
No matter what happen, your father will LOVE YOU!
=)
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FAMILY = Father And Mother I Love You
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Dont be too Sad alright.
Just try to be silent at times when they scold you or whatsoever.
Shouting back at them makes you wrong too .
Think what you've done wrong after getting scolded .
it might be your fault.
well , you still can talk to your mum right (:
& well , try to find a time , talk things out with your dad hm .
maybe he does'nt understand .
or he might like that you always go out or whatsoever ( If you do )
Spend some time with him alright.
i hope things turn out alright between you and your dad (:
Goodluck.
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Hey there.
Firstly, never think your dad hates you or anything.
He just loves you too much and doesn't know any good methods to convey his love to you. By nagging you not to do this or not to do that, he's actually showing his love though in a very unappealing way to you.
Just have more patience with him.
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Lol tell me about it. I barely speak one word with my Dad each day. Most of the time we don't even speak at all. He doesn't care, neither do I. :3
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hmmzx same ._.
lols. i got attitude at home, hyper at sch
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Haha, we're the same Yeling, it's not that I don't wanna talk to him, we just have nothing to talk about.
And then he'd go 'Ahh, kids just grow up so fast, now she's a teen and she's got her own world now.' to his friends.
And I'd go -.-
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Nah the moment my Dad opens his mouth, even if he meant to speak to us nicely, it would appear as if he's shouting at us, which apparently disgusts me.
So I prefer not to talk to him at all. But from what my Mom tells me I believe he loves me as much as my Mom does.
So don't read too much into stuff, yep.
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I don't get such problems, maybe because my family is small so we're close knit.
And I love to talk so I talk about everything to my parents.
This makes them trust me more since I'm open with everything.
So... try not to be secretive?
Privacy is impt but nobody likes to have too many things kept hidden from them. :/
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Yeah, I hide a lot from my parents, well not exactly hide, I prefer not saying too much.
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yeahs , my dad just scolded me just now for reading th mag too fast
cause i would have to buy a new one -.-
and now not talking to him again , cause quite angry :/
hm , yeah , dont say much things to them and no quarrel will occur ;D
and also fight alot with my mom and dad :/
so yeah , its a rather normal thing .. i guess .. :/
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Show him that you care, that you're not just a 'stupid teenager that don't care about anything else'.
It's quite normal to have communication problems because of the age gap and plus he's a man, and you're a girl, so he wouldn't understand what girls think.
Since it's the hols, you could try kicking up a conversation by asking him (if he's free) whether you and your family could go out, have dinner or go sight-seeing.
You should also try telling him what you feel/think. Cause after all, he's not a mind-reader right?
& c'mon, no one's born stupid/clever. T.T Pisses me off when parents think that way.
How to get along? Both parents and kid have to give and take. It's not always the parents' side who's winning or the child's side who's winning.
I hope this helps.
Good luck!
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Thanks
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Although I can't really help, but all the best to your dad. Remember, SUNSHINE AFTER THE RAIN!
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parents are damn naggy.
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Alot of fathers like that one la! Mine also. Except i keep my thoughts to myself, get scolded, get scolded lor. Who gives a damn? Right? Scold also cannot do anything.
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